i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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