Im at strip club and am horny
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
