Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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