Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
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I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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