Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
