Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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