i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
