just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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