My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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