I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
