so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
