first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
