Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
