We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
