I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
