He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
