so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
