she smelled like a LAN party
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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