just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
