I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
