Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
