Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
