Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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