U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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