Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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