in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
