I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize