She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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