Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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