problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You have to summon your inner elephant
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
