the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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