Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
