There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
