i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
