I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
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This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
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Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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