She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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