I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
whose parrot is this?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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