A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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