Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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