I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
