I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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