I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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