Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
