Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
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I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
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This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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