he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
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About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
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Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
false alarm, still single
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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