she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
