hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I lost the right to judge tonight
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