yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
