Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
