Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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