are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
