Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize