Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
