i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
