he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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