I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
