this boner is exhausting
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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