Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
