Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
