so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
