no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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