You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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