i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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