hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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