Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
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I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
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Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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