eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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