My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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