From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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