just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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