Texts From Last Night

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  (941): View more from Florida

  so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow

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  (941): so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow http://tfl.nu/gsjr
  Replies (15) Good night (3411) Bad night (603)
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  (631): View more from New York

  You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu

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  (631): You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu http://tfl.nu/9ul0
  Replies (14) Good night (2338) Bad night (3984)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.

  (347): View more from New York

  I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.

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  (917): Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement. (347): I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy. http://tfl.nu/2bcu
  Replies (14) Good night (1113) Bad night (4829)
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  (707): View more from California

  I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..

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  (707): I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution.. http://tfl.nu/dcg9
  Replies (18) Good night (4467) Bad night (1408)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis

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  (828): Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis http://tfl.nu/fz5v
  Replies (6) Good night (5923) Bad night (756)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER

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  (203): THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER http://tfl.nu/gk2q
  Replies (7) Good night (1118) Bad night (3003)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter

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  (732): he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter http://tfl.nu/lu6b
  Replies (5) Good night (845) Bad night (1971)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.

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  (425): I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help. (1-425): I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity. http://tfl.nu/3ise
  Replies (4) Good night (1494) Bad night (594)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?

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  (608): Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad? http://tfl.nu/ac75
  Replies (4) Good night (759) Bad night (2275)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.

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  (402): I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me. http://tfl.nu/r02t
  Replies (6) Good night (1625) Bad night (367)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.

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  (928): It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner. http://tfl.nu/2dny
  Replies (6) Good night (1045) Bad night (381)
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  (916): View more from California

  Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?

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  (916): Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college? http://tfl.nu/z4fh
  Replies (2) Good night (792) Bad night (328)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.

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  (917): It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet. http://tfl.nu/tf3l
  Replies (3) Good night (601) Bad night (359)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole

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  (201): New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole http://tfl.nu/gxas
  Replies (4) Good night (675) Bad night (453)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Happy Birhtday!

  (289): View more from Ontario

  Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home

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  (416): Happy Birhtday! (289): Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home http://tfl.nu/oimr
  Replies (4) Good night (1692) Bad night (259)

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