i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.