sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
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So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
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And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.