Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
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Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
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Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"