so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
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worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This baby is an asshole
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Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.