took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
