Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
