also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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