fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
