barbara walters just said penis...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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