Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
