She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
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Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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