I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
