I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You ate ashes out of my bong
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
